This is my column from the Daily Advertiser this week, original online version can be found here
It’s not often I use this column to have (as we would say in England) “a bit of a rant.” I am a ridiculously positive person, mainly because life is better that way.
This week, however, I have something to say, and I can’t think of a nice way to put it. (Well, I can, but this may be more effective.)
Dear store workers, bank employees, doctors receptionists, anyone who works anywhere where there are clients or customers in the building or on the phone:
Please don’t let me hear you gossip. When I can overhear you talk about customers, clients, co-workers or even your family, it gives a really bad impression. If I hear you laughing at a customer behind their back, I think you are going to do the same about me. If I hear you discussing someone, especially using their name, I may well know that person. We live in a small place, and people know people. If I hear you putting someone down or spreading rumors, it makes me feel bad about the place you work and the service you provide — not to mention the fact that you obviously are not working. I don’t even care if you are taking a break, letting me hear what you are saying is just unprofessional and makes you and your organization look bad. Please stop.
Thank you,
Aileen
I know many bosses who need to print out this column and hang it up where their employees can see it.
I talk all the time about building relationships and about the importance of good communication. However great you are with your customers, their overhearing a negative conversation can destroy the whole partnership you have built. What you say about others reflects on you. Negativity breeds negativity.
You may think no one else can hear. You may be surprised. I had a week where I happened to overhear a lot of these conversations. I know why someone quit working at the bank (although they think she was probably fired). I know which clothing store was laughing at the customer before me for being too large. (I will never shop there again.) I know in which companies employees were too wrapped up in gossip to pay attention to their client.
All of the branding, advertising and social media campaigns in the world don’t matter if you give someone a bad impression when they enter your business. You may have the best product in the world, but people will judge your organization on their individual experience.
Please presume that if any customer is in the same building as you (or in the parking lot) that they can hear what you say. This also applies to being on the phone. Or better still, why not help to create an environment where gossiping isn’t acceptable; where you really value your clients, not just say you do; where everyone conducts themselves professionally at all times, not just when they think someone may be listening.
You’ll feel better about yourself and your co-workers, and your customers will feel better about their experience.
Last week was crazy – and as is usually the case, it turned out great in the end.
Due to some ‘technical difficulties’ last week we changed the printing/distribution company we are working with to produce the book. We are now working with a new company and they seem to be more professional, certainly more willing to work with what we want to produce and I am now in the same position as I was last week, waiting for my first proof.
Waiting is tough. You know you have other things to do but a part of your mind is always thinking about that one thing. The good thing is that you know it’s going to happen so you can plan for it. I have been making sure I had ‘doing stuff’. The stuff that you just need to do, busy work. I have been creating some of the things that will make the book launch fun.
I will be setting up a new website for the book, where we will be giving you exclusive peaks and insider information. Don’t worry – you will know when that happens.
I intend to keep this site for communication insights, tips, and random thoughts. If there is anything you would like to see more of then please let me know.
Have a great week. Spend some time today setting your goals for the week, imagine what it will feel like on Friday when you look back and know you have acomplished something.
The book is all done. Whew… I’m waiting to hear back about some technical stuff, but if all goes to plan I will have the first proof in my hands this week. In my head it looks great, lets hope the reality matches up!
I’m sorry I haven’t been blogging much lately, it would have been pretty dull… the book, the book, the book, the book… lol, but I’m back and about to revamp things headed towards launch date. I’m going to redo bits of this website and make a new one for the book.
As most of you know by now, the book is called Using People, how to get ahead in work and life.
We are gearing up for lots of promotion – so keep checking in, lots of fun stuff will be happening. There will be a chance to pre-order books to pick up at the launch party (downtown Lafayette, middleish of September) and make sure you get a copy (or 10 before they sell out). There will be a chance to join in the conversation about the book.
If your organization would like to book a speech and get books for your audience please email me and let me know. This would be the ideal time to do it (before we put out all the official stuff and I get booked up). It’s a great speech for anyone who works with people!
I am going to work out how to have the two websites running side by side without repeating too much of the content, and adding enough value that you all want to keep coming back. Using People will have it’s own site, you know what they say – ‘Build it and they will come’.
I will keep you all updated with what is happening. I would love to hear all your ideas, places to come on a book/speaking tour, what you want from my websites etc… Without you, this would just be me talking to myself.
I have a publisher for my new book “USING PEOPLE” (yes I’m doing the Happy Dance)
I have agreed to work with Corvus Press and am very excited about it..
Had to wait for it all to be official before I could share it with you. Here is the news release:
Corvus Press
Contact: Dan Murphy
DanMurphy@CorvusPress.com
CorvusPress.com
Are you “Using People” like you should?
Coming Soon: The book that makes you hear old phrases in a completely new way.
Lafayette, LA — Talk behind someone’s back. Judge a book by its cover. Lie to yourself. Give up on your dreams.
You may be surprised by what happens.
The witty and insightful instructions in speaker Aileen Bennett’s new book Using People may catch you off guard. After all, does she really want you to give up on your dreams? Well, sort of.
Using People challenges us all to live a life deeper than the catch phrases. Burned in our psyche since childhood, these phrases have flaws … and Bennett brings them out in a way that makes you think (and rethink) your own possibilities. Steeped in Bennett’s unique blend of English wit and Southern charm, Using People is sure to shock — then inspire.
About the Author
Bennett is a recovering designer turned cynical speaker who delights and enlightens audiences with classic wit, modern style and a sense of knowing that makes you feel like the universe sent her to speak directly to you. And according to Bennett, it did. She’s appeared on a range of talk shows, keynoted national conferences, coached executives and milked cows before dawn. Her bulletproof enthusiasm continues to inspire others to live happier, more fulfilling lives. For more information on Bennett, visit ThatSpeaker.com.
About the Book
Using People arrives this September during a special event and signing with the author (TBA). Media requests for advanced review copies should be sent to Corvus Press, care of DanMurphy@CorvusPress.com.
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My first visit to the United States was when I was 19. I came out to work as a counsellor on a summer camp. Last week, I went back to camp.
It wasn’t the same camp; it wasn’t even in the same state, but as I drove out into rural Louisiana I thought about my time at camp for the first time in many years.
I have a million good memories. I knew this camp would be different; after all, kids have changed haven’t they? I read about it in the media all the time.
I walked into the large room where lunch was just finishing and was immediately reassured by the atmosphere. The kids were laughing and enjoying every moment by being in the moment in that way we too often forget when we grow up.
I watched from a distance for a while, and I realized there was something different here — something unusual. The children were all so different — their ages, their backgrounds, their style — and yet they were all intermingling.
There were no little cliques or separation. Although they were in two age groups for activities, they all came together in one group.
As a communication specialist, this kind of thing fascinates me. I know that this only happens in the right conditions — conditions where each child feels completely relaxed and accepted in their own right. They get to be themselves — 100 percent them — without worrying about judgement.
When you create this environment, everyone benefits. As I say in my speeches: When you are being you, you give everyone else permission to be themselves. I was seeing what I teach in action. It was wonderful. This is what summer camp should be about.
The children were full of personality and questions. They got fully involved in every activity. There was no rolling eyes and cynicism here. These kids know that life is for living. This camp is Camp Bon Coeur, a camp for children with congenital heart defects.
You wouldn’t know by the noise or by the activity level. It’s easy to forget until you catch a glimpse of the scar on their chests and see the medical equipment stacked in the nurse’s room.
Each camper has a personal story, and here is it a shared experience. Here, they don’t have stand out for their health condition, they get to stand out for who they are. Believe me, they all take that opportunity. It’s a joy to be part of.
I wonder how it would affect us all if we had a place like Camp Bon Coeur, even for a week every year — place where we didn’t have to try and fit in, a place where we were accepted automatically just for being us and where we could try new things without the fear of failure or judgement. I’m sure it would do us all the world of good.
I’m hoping to be invited back next year; I’m already secretly looking forward to it. I’m sure the kids are too.
This column appeared in The Daily Advertiser, you can find the original here - don’t forget to recommend it!
As most of you already know, I’m obsessed with communication. I am most obsessed with the communication that I can’t see or hear — the communication that goes on in your head, with yourself.
If I could have any superpower (apart from being photogenic), it would be to hear what people say to themselves. Not because I’m nosy (I am, but I like to call it intrigued), but because if we can change what we say to ourselves, we can change the world.
Most of us aren’t even aware of the constant messages being delivered by our subconscious that guide our beliefs and therefore our actions. Some of these messages were formed before we remember by the actions or beliefs of others, as well as our own experiences, but they still affect us today.
It’s amazing how our thoughts affect how we see the world, and therefore what happens in our life. We really do get what we focus on.
I work with people from many areas on changing their mindset, and each time I do, I learn something new.
One of my favorite ways to research this is to watch people training for sports. It may be because I’ve worked with some gyms and trainers as a communication coach over the past few years, or it may be because it’s an area of life where the mindset is so obvious and its impact is so immediately measurable.
The great athletes in any sport are great because of their minds. They have learned to control their subconscious and the messages it sends as well as their bodies. This isn’t something that happens by magic on the day of a big event. It’s something they train for everyday. They work out their minds as well as their muscles.
Athletes visualize the race or the game and rehearse mentally as well as physically. How many of us do the same? When you have a big meeting or interview coming up, do you mentally rehearse? Do you play a video in your mind of you being offered the job, or do you let your attitude be determined by the doubts that your subconscious is so good at providing.
We all love others to believe in us. It gives us a boost to know someone else is rooting for us. After all, where would a sports team be without it’s fans? The real belief, though, has to come from yourself.
You have to believe that you are good enough. Your beliefs will guide your life, your relationships, the amount your earn, the friends you have, your weight, your health and everything else. The good news is that you already know how to change your mind. You have already done it many times.
You have already communicated with yourself perfectly to get wherever you are today. You just have to decide where you want to be tomorrow.
(Aileen Bennett is a professional speaker and author who is obsessed with communication. For more information, go to www.thatspeaker.com. She can be reached at aileen@thatspeaker.com.)
“That’s what she said” is published every Tuesday in the Daily Advertiser, you can find the original online version here
This video made me so happy this morning.. London is who I am, you gotta love it! – and Florence and the Machine to boot, wow. Thank you Alex Silver, whoever you are, you made a London Lass smile today.
Sometimes we all have to deal with other people saying untrue ‘bad stuff’ about us. Remember it’s more about them than you. Forgive them. We all act out when we are insecure. Know who you are, and listen to this great tune by The Kooks.
This morning I had one of “those” mornings — you know, where everything seems to go wrong. You wake up in a good mood, but then the dog is sick, the Internet doesn’t work, and you spill your coffee. You start dreading the day to come.
What if spilling your coffee meant good luck? What if locking yourself out of the house meant you had great riches coming soon? What if getting stuck in traffic was a sign that you were about to have a great day?
I know this may sound slightly absurd, but, really, when you think about it, so is attaching a bad day to any of these things. I know people who decide how good their day is going to be by the weather — now that’s crazy. The more you say, “I know it’s going to be a bad day,” the more you are ensuring that it’s true.
I’m not suggesting that we all go around with insane grins on our faces and believe that the world is full of rainbows and puppies. Even I’m not that unrealistic. I’m saying that our thoughts create our world, and different thoughts can change our outlook.
I believe in positive thinking; after all, what harm can it do? I believe more in positive action. It’s fine to stand in your yard repeating the mantra, “There are no weeds. There are no weeds.” But, unless you actually do something about the weeds, they will still be there.
The point about thinking positively is that it leads to positive action. Thoughts and beliefs are powerful because they dictate how we act. Changing your actions starts with changing your thinking. Changing your thinking starts with being aware of what it is now.
Listen to what you say to yourself. What do you tell yourself before you go into a meeting, before you meet a client, before you go on a date? Are you being kind to yourself, or setting yourself up for failure? Do you say critical things to yourself that you would never say to anyone else? You might want to stop that!
So this morning, I decided that anything that went wrong before 8 a.m. just means that something amazing is going to happen later. If I look for it, I will find that amazing thing. We always get what we look for.
Have you ever thought about buying a certain kind of car and then noticed that model everywhere? I swear I was the only person in Lafayette with a VW Beetle before I got one, and now they seem really common. We get what we focus on.
Our subconscious notices thousands of things every second, but it only brings them to our attention when it thinks they are important. If you spent your day looking for elephants, you would find them everywhere, even in South Louisiana.
Our brains are amazing things. Let’s start using them deliberately — for good.
“Aileen, thanks again for the handsome and engaging presentation yesterday. I will gladly recommend you to anyone in the future.” — Rob Guidry, President & CEO, Greater Lafayette Chamber of Commerce
I throughly and enthusiastically recommend:
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