This is my column from the Daily Advertiser this week, original online version can be found here
It’s not often I use this column to have (as we would say in England) “a bit of a rant.” I am a ridiculously positive person, mainly because life is better that way.
This week, however, I have something to say, and I can’t think of a nice way to put it. (Well, I can, but this may be more effective.)
Dear store workers, bank employees, doctors receptionists, anyone who works anywhere where there are clients or customers in the building or on the phone:
Please don’t let me hear you gossip. When I can overhear you talk about customers, clients, co-workers or even your family, it gives a really bad impression. If I hear you laughing at a customer behind their back, I think you are going to do the same about me. If I hear you discussing someone, especially using their name, I may well know that person. We live in a small place, and people know people. If I hear you putting someone down or spreading rumors, it makes me feel bad about the place you work and the service you provide — not to mention the fact that you obviously are not working. I don’t even care if you are taking a break, letting me hear what you are saying is just unprofessional and makes you and your organization look bad. Please stop.
Thank you,
Aileen
I know many bosses who need to print out this column and hang it up where their employees can see it.
I talk all the time about building relationships and about the importance of good communication. However great you are with your customers, their overhearing a negative conversation can destroy the whole partnership you have built. What you say about others reflects on you. Negativity breeds negativity.
You may think no one else can hear. You may be surprised. I had a week where I happened to overhear a lot of these conversations. I know why someone quit working at the bank (although they think she was probably fired). I know which clothing store was laughing at the customer before me for being too large. (I will never shop there again.) I know in which companies employees were too wrapped up in gossip to pay attention to their client.
All of the branding, advertising and social media campaigns in the world don’t matter if you give someone a bad impression when they enter your business. You may have the best product in the world, but people will judge your organization on their individual experience.
Please presume that if any customer is in the same building as you (or in the parking lot) that they can hear what you say. This also applies to being on the phone. Or better still, why not help to create an environment where gossiping isn’t acceptable; where you really value your clients, not just say you do; where everyone conducts themselves professionally at all times, not just when they think someone may be listening.
You’ll feel better about yourself and your co-workers, and your customers will feel better about their experience.
My first visit to the United States was when I was 19. I came out to work as a counsellor on a summer camp. Last week, I went back to camp.
It wasn’t the same camp; it wasn’t even in the same state, but as I drove out into rural Louisiana I thought about my time at camp for the first time in many years.
I have a million good memories. I knew this camp would be different; after all, kids have changed haven’t they? I read about it in the media all the time.
I walked into the large room where lunch was just finishing and was immediately reassured by the atmosphere. The kids were laughing and enjoying every moment by being in the moment in that way we too often forget when we grow up.
I watched from a distance for a while, and I realized there was something different here — something unusual. The children were all so different — their ages, their backgrounds, their style — and yet they were all intermingling.
There were no little cliques or separation. Although they were in two age groups for activities, they all came together in one group.
As a communication specialist, this kind of thing fascinates me. I know that this only happens in the right conditions — conditions where each child feels completely relaxed and accepted in their own right. They get to be themselves — 100 percent them — without worrying about judgement.
When you create this environment, everyone benefits. As I say in my speeches: When you are being you, you give everyone else permission to be themselves. I was seeing what I teach in action. It was wonderful. This is what summer camp should be about.
The children were full of personality and questions. They got fully involved in every activity. There was no rolling eyes and cynicism here. These kids know that life is for living. This camp is Camp Bon Coeur, a camp for children with congenital heart defects.
You wouldn’t know by the noise or by the activity level. It’s easy to forget until you catch a glimpse of the scar on their chests and see the medical equipment stacked in the nurse’s room.
Each camper has a personal story, and here is it a shared experience. Here, they don’t have stand out for their health condition, they get to stand out for who they are. Believe me, they all take that opportunity. It’s a joy to be part of.
I wonder how it would affect us all if we had a place like Camp Bon Coeur, even for a week every year — place where we didn’t have to try and fit in, a place where we were accepted automatically just for being us and where we could try new things without the fear of failure or judgement. I’m sure it would do us all the world of good.
I’m hoping to be invited back next year; I’m already secretly looking forward to it. I’m sure the kids are too.
This column appeared in The Daily Advertiser, you can find the original here - don’t forget to recommend it!
As most of you already know, I’m obsessed with communication. I am most obsessed with the communication that I can’t see or hear — the communication that goes on in your head, with yourself.
If I could have any superpower (apart from being photogenic), it would be to hear what people say to themselves. Not because I’m nosy (I am, but I like to call it intrigued), but because if we can change what we say to ourselves, we can change the world.
Most of us aren’t even aware of the constant messages being delivered by our subconscious that guide our beliefs and therefore our actions. Some of these messages were formed before we remember by the actions or beliefs of others, as well as our own experiences, but they still affect us today.
It’s amazing how our thoughts affect how we see the world, and therefore what happens in our life. We really do get what we focus on.
I work with people from many areas on changing their mindset, and each time I do, I learn something new.
One of my favorite ways to research this is to watch people training for sports. It may be because I’ve worked with some gyms and trainers as a communication coach over the past few years, or it may be because it’s an area of life where the mindset is so obvious and its impact is so immediately measurable.
The great athletes in any sport are great because of their minds. They have learned to control their subconscious and the messages it sends as well as their bodies. This isn’t something that happens by magic on the day of a big event. It’s something they train for everyday. They work out their minds as well as their muscles.
Athletes visualize the race or the game and rehearse mentally as well as physically. How many of us do the same? When you have a big meeting or interview coming up, do you mentally rehearse? Do you play a video in your mind of you being offered the job, or do you let your attitude be determined by the doubts that your subconscious is so good at providing.
We all love others to believe in us. It gives us a boost to know someone else is rooting for us. After all, where would a sports team be without it’s fans? The real belief, though, has to come from yourself.
You have to believe that you are good enough. Your beliefs will guide your life, your relationships, the amount your earn, the friends you have, your weight, your health and everything else. The good news is that you already know how to change your mind. You have already done it many times.
You have already communicated with yourself perfectly to get wherever you are today. You just have to decide where you want to be tomorrow.
(Aileen Bennett is a professional speaker and author who is obsessed with communication. For more information, go to www.thatspeaker.com. She can be reached at aileen@thatspeaker.com.)
“That’s what she said” is published every Tuesday in the Daily Advertiser, you can find the original online version here
This video made me so happy this morning.. London is who I am, you gotta love it! – and Florence and the Machine to boot, wow. Thank you Alex Silver, whoever you are, you made a London Lass smile today.
Sometimes we all have to deal with other people saying untrue ‘bad stuff’ about us. Remember it’s more about them than you. Forgive them. We all act out when we are insecure. Know who you are, and listen to this great tune by The Kooks.
I’m always talking about BEing YOU. It’s a rather vague term that’s hard to live up to sometimes. I think I have an advantage. So many people expect me to ‘be me’ that when I’m playing small or holding back I read my emails from people thanking me for leading the way. I can’t afford to not BE ME. It would be hypercritical of me.
Today I read a blog post on a blog that I often visit. It’s written by Lynn Terry who is a super-affiliate marketer and I think I can say, a personal friend. (Lynn, please correct me if I haven’t reached personal friend status yet). I met her at NAMS (the Niche Affiliate Marketing Seminar). Although Affiliate marketing is NOT what I do, by any means, it’s an area that holds a fascination for me. Anyway I digress. Lynn is extremely successful in her field and is very open and has an abundant nature rare in the strange world of internet marketing. Today she wrote a blog post about how much she earns, her income.. and she shows figures. Although it’s the thing that hits you from this post, after all who else talks about what they earn?, she makes it clear that it’s more about other things:
“You’ll rarely ever see me talk dollar figures, or discuss my income. There’s a reason for that. Personally, I feel it’s irrelevant. The amount of money I need to maintain my ideal lifestyle may be completely different than your own goals.”
Lynn spends a great deal of her time these days helping others to be successful. I don’t have an affiliate link to her stuff but do heartily recommend that if you want to learn how to make money in affiliate marketing you start with Lynn Terry.
(When I start my new interview series I will be asking Lynn to take part – Lynn, if you are reading this, be prepared to say yes)
I first read about ‘the offer’ in Linchpin by Seth Godin and I knew I had to find out more.
I have since read articles in Business Week, The Freakonomics Blog and many other articles online. Seems like I was one of the last to know about this. It still made me smile and made me think.
“The Offer” is from Zappos. After the end of their four-week training period (for which they are paid their full salary) the new employees are offered a bonus of $2000 to quit. The company only wants loyal workers, this is the perfect way to test that loyalty. According to the reports I’ve found the retention rate is somewhere between 90 and 97%. Impressive and forward-thinking.
By doing this, Zappos don’t only weed out the employees that don’t want to be there and don’t want to be part of a strong company culture but they get immediate feedback on whether their company culture is working. They are getting answers and are willing to pay for them.
Impressive. What would happen if your workplace offered the same thing? Are they brave enough? What does it cost NOT to find out?
You gave an incredible presentation at NAMS last weekend. I knew it would be good, but it was even better than that! I looked around the room and didn’t see a single person tweeting, checking email or distracted. Every person was riveted on your every word. I thought it was absolutely brilliant and very proud that you are my friend. — Chris Cobb http://www.MyBonusBlog.com
I throughly and enthusiastically recommend:
and yes, these are affiliate links. (I use affiliate links only for products and services I use and approve of)
